Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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