Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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