Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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