Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
