Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
