I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just forgot I was standing up.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
