You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
