Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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