textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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