you would pick up someone in the library
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
