she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
