I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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