I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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