If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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