also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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