Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize