i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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