One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize