My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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