That's intense
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
