I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
