You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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