Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize