beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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