Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
