just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hippo gnu deer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
