he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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