Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
only you would photoshop your dick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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