She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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