I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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