when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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