I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
