i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
