I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
