i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You may now shotgun with the bride
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
