You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
