I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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