just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
