i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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