just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
