The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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