You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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