Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you never un-have a 4some
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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