doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize