I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
