Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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