dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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