...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
