We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
