I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
