I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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