I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
