You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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