New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
