i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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