I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
