Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize