He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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