i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
