i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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