1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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