the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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