Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
