my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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