This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
