im drinking this country out of the recession.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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