Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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