she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish there were birth control emojis
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize