I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am spending my child support on dildos
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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