do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
