Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
