I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
