Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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