Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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