I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
