sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
