I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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