i permit you to call me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Text me some of your sweat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
