dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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