i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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