After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
