You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
