the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
