Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
