did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
