I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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