Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
