trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize