He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
