wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
