Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
