party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
