The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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