I am spending my child support on dildos
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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