Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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