After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i now understand why vodka
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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