: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
