Who did Billy Mays play for?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
