I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
