I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
