He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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