The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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