so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
